everything in its time.

breaking point

Friday, October 16, 2009

♥ 9:17 AM

what do you do when sleeping 6 hrs or more a day feels like the biggest sin in the world?

what do you do when you can never seem to finish all the work you have even when you sleep 5 hrs everyday and have no leisure time at all?

what would you do?

i am not sleep tonight. i will make sure that i don't.

the economist service!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

♥ 12:17 PM

"The Economist Service is the premier service for Public Sector Economists. We are a community of dedicated and energetic economists who shape Singapore's future growth trajectory through careful and rigorous analysis, and share a passion for public policy analysis.

The Economist Service offers a special job satisfaction not found in the private sector. In addition to a fulfilling career, it also offers excellent development and intellectually stimulating challenges. The Economist Service also offers a competitive remuneration package, with salaries benchmarked against private sector economists.

As a Public Sector Economist, you will play a key role in shaping Singapore's economic competitiveness and future development. The Economist Service is an excellent career choice for economists seeking to make a difference.
If you are ready to join our team, we want to hear from you."

gasps. dream job!

just reading the description on the website excites me. wow. it's like the heaven for economists. i never realised that this career path existed! cool stuff. this would be an even better job fit for me than MAS i think. i know this might sound sick. but yes, i love econs this much! haha.

pressure.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

♥ 12:00 AM

i don't like this feeling.

everytime i think of checking my exams results, i am gripped by fear. some of my friends would tell me that i will surely do well but i can't convince myself. maybe i just don't want to expect too much because i'm afraid of disappointment.

it's not a nice feeling to be among the top few - it's so easy to fall from where i am and at the same time, ppl have such high expectations. furthermore, there's so much competition. the stress is simply overwhelming. it robs me of the joy of learning.

although i know that the only expectations that i need to meet are God's expectations, it's hard to ignore the expectations of others and of myself. i need to overcome this fear; i want to be free. dear Lord, please help me.

why do the evil prosper?

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

♥ 8:51 AM

i asked the Lord, "why do the evil prosper?" those who cheat in tests score very well, way better than those who don't. it seems so unfair that the evil prosper.

the Lord said, "why do you worry, My child? do you not trust Me?"

and i was at a loss for words. it's true. why should i worry, if i know that God's plans are good (jer 29:11)? do i trust God enough to let go and let God?

it's difficult not to conform to the standards of the world, especially when we live in such a competitive society. there are times that i struggle too but i want to learn to trust in God's faithfulness. i know that if i honour Him, He will honour me.

so, dear Lord, i'm putting everything into Your hands.

recess

Sunday, September 21, 2008

♥ 11:28 PM

it's recess. half a sem has passed at an incredibly fast pace. insanely fast. there are so many things to be done.. but i just feel like taking it slow for a while; i need to catch my breath.

there are quite a lot of things on my mind right now.. so many decisions that i need to make. oh Lord, give me the wisdom to make these decisions. i don't want to making the decisions based on my preferences; i want to make them based on what God desires for me.

i'm still learning to trust God in all things and to surrender more areas of my life to Him. last friday's alg session and today's sermon both spoke deeply to me. when our faith and God's faithfulness meet, God will show up in an unmistakable way. truly, i want to see God's hand moving in my life, but that will only happen if i fully surrender my life to Him and live for His purpose.

i also want to put God first in everything i do, even in the small things. i want to do everything to His glory...

my story.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

♥ 1:15 PM

went for campus crusade's breakthrough prayer last night. we spent the night at kum yam methodist church, from 9pm to 5am, praying for various campuses and nations. we also prayed for the families in singapore, sexual morality, missions etc. it was very encouraging to see the members of the body of Christ, coming together, to pray and interceed. at the end of the prayer session, some of the staff of campus crusade came up and share their stories - amazing stories of how God has helped them overcome their struggles and transformed their life. after which we also break into small groups to share our stories with each other. and once again, i'm reminded of how God has saved me and changed me life...

i have always been a perfectionist. i wanted to give my best in everything that i do and expected much from myself too. and so, many times, i failed to meet up to my own expectations. each time i fail, i took the blame upon myself; i felt that i wasn't smart enough, not talented enough, not good enough. i didn't like failing. i wanted to live up to my expectations; i wanted the approval of others.

during my upper sec days, i started cutting myself. i was feeling so miserable and depressed and i needed an outlet for my emotions. somehow, i felt that cutting myself relieves me of some of the pain within. it made me feel better, at least for the moment. i also saw it as a way of punishing myself for not meeting up to the expectations of myself and others. i wanted to break out of self mutilation but i could not do it. so, eventually, i gave up.

i went on to jc and i started dating then. the first break-up left me in a mess. i was very upset and i started hurting myself again. i even had sucidal thoughts. however, it was the second break-up that was the last straw. prior to the break-up, i was already highly pressurised by the school workload and demands of my 2 ccas. when my ex broke up with me, i just lost it all. i was so lost and i didn't know what to do anymore. i saw no meaning in my life; i was merely existing. there was no hope, no reason to live. my life on earth makes no difference. i felt that no one cared.

i was trapped in a downward spiral.. i felt like i was falling into a bottomless pit and i didn't know how to get myself out of it. many nights, i cried myself to sleep. life was miserable and meaningless and i wanted to end it. i even got started on writing a farewell letter. yet, through it all, a small part of me never gave searching for hope. when i found out that one of my close friends in jc has just started attending church, i asked her if i could visit her church one sunday. and so i did.

words cannot never fully expressed the experience i had at church. that one encounter with God completely changed my life. i was liberated - lifted out of the pit of depression - and i felt a sense of peace, which i have never experience in my life. Christ has set me free. at the lowest point in my life, God met with me. He healed me and gave me a new reason to live; He gave me assurance of His unconditional love. Even though i had given up on myself, He did not give up on me..

now, i no longer seek the approval of others. all i want to do is to please God and to serve Him only. He is my reason to live. He is my stronghold in the times of trouble, my helper in the times of need. He's my healer, my shepherd, my comforter, my redeemer, my savior, my friend, my provider, my Lord... He's my all in all and He's everything that i'll ever need. i'm eternally grateful for what He has done for me.

i was once lost and without hope, but am now found by the grace of God.

how about you?

HSS Valedictorian

Thursday, September 04, 2008

♥ 11:46 PM

"Tan Pin-Ru, Bachelor of Arts (Honours) in Economics

Pin-Ru’s academic achievements include being on the Dean’s List every year, the President Research Scholarship for the Undergraduate Research Experience on CAmpus (URECA) programme, the NTU Alumni Scholarship for two years and participation in the Government of Singapore Investment Corporation (GIC) internship programme. An active participant in the School of Humanities and Social Sciences (HSS) and her hall, Pin-Ru held the positions of financial controller and chief group leader in the Freshmen Orientation Camp Committee for two years and was a Brand Ambassador of HSS. She won several medals for her hall in swimming and netball, and was also part of the hall’s cheerleading team that emerged champion at the Inter-Hall Cheerleading Competition. She was chosen to be the Valedictorian of the pioneer batch of graduating students from HSS and is a recipient of the University Scholars Award. Pin-Ru is currently working in the research team at the Royal Bank of Scotland."

Such an inspiration! Anyway, i think the HSS dean ate up the dean's list this year. It's still not released. He must have been hungry.

School's freaking stressful. 24 hrs a day is not enough. Sigh.. How did she(tan pin-ru) do it??!!